As the holiday season is underway, people are experiencing a lot of emotions. For some, the holiday season really is ‘the most wonderful time” of the year, but for others it can also bring more stress, anxiety, and feelings of grief.
It’s important to remember that this time of year, there is a lot going on. While the holidays are magical for kids, as we get older and reality sets in, the holidays are not always full of cheer. To put it simply, the holidays can be frantic and …exhausting. Between planning, decorating, shopping, and entertaining, it can be difficult to manage our stress —and easy for us to neglect our own wellness needs.
If you are feeling overwhelmed this holiday season, here are five tips to help ward off stress.
- Don’t fall into the “compare and despair” trap of social media. Holidays can be the worst time for this. The holidays inflict a lot of pressure to be…well, perfect. It can seem like everyone has it together…a huge friend group to hang out with or an amazingly decorated home. When you find yourself scrolling and feeling discouraged or not-enough, remind yourself…it’s not real. It’s an illusion. People will rarely post their toddler meltdown at Target, when their card got declined at Chick Fil A, or the Christmas ham that got burned just before guests arrived. As a therapist, I know it’s not always realistic to completely unplug, so just be aware of any mood shifts that occur as you scroll, and as soon as you notice a downward shift, put your phone away, play with your pet, or watch a funny movie — Will Ferrell’s Elf is a crowd favorite in my house. Laughing releases stress and tension, and relaxes your mind and body!
- Honor your grief and loss. If you are missing a loved one due to separation, divorce, or death, feelings of loneliness and grief can be heightened during the holiday season. This is particularly true if this is your first holiday without your loved one. It’s difficult to anticipate what you will feel or when you will feel it. You may be ok, even cheery one minute — and then gloomy the next. Rather than avoiding those uncomfortable thoughts and feelings, I suggest seeking out simple ways to honor and celebrate your loved one. This could look like sharing funny or poignant stories among family and friends or cooking your loved one’s favorite holiday dish. Everyone experiences grief differently. Honor your process, and remember there is no right or wrong way to grieve.
- Be realistic about your bandwidth. Let’s face it, Christmas can be both merry AND mayhem. Be realistic about what you can mentally and emotionally manage. Start by reflecting on what was NOT enjoyable about the last holiday season and cross it off your list. Was it the baking, the wrapping, entertaining, or the long grocery store lines? Whatever it was, give yourself permission to let it go (or outsource it) — if it doesn’t bring you joy. Another stress-reducing idea is to shorten the duration of any Christmas or holiday celebration you host or attend. If you are planning to host, would a casual 2-hour open house party versus a formal sit down dinner work better for your nervous system? If so, have friends and family drop by for drinks, cookies during a (tight) drop-in window!
- Start moving 24 hours in advance! While the holidays are known for its hustle and bustle, we actually spend a lot of time in November and December being sedentary. Some of that has to do with cooler temperatures, where the urge to stay inside engaged with technology is strong… resulting in sensory overload and mental fatigue. However, physical activity out in nature, in whatever form you prefer, helps boost the production of your brain’s feel-good neurotransmitters, called endorphins. So, this season, when feeling stressed, make time for a brisk walk, run, or a quick stretch on your deck. Staying physically active is one of the best stress-relievers out there! And, here’s a pro tip! You can start increasing your physical activity in anticipation of a busy or stressful week. Make a habit of getting out for a 20-minute walk a few days ahead of an overwhelming time period. Being outside in natural light can be helpful if you experience sadness during particular seasons or cooler times of the year, like the fall or winter. And, as a working mom, I know how tough it can be to commit to even 20 minutes of movement on some days, here’s the good news: Whatever time of year, just five to 10 minutes of walking in nature can improve a sad or anxious mood and reduce your stress by 15 percent. In further good news, studies show that just one session of intense exercise can help boost your mood for up to 24 hours.
- Set necessary boundaries. Boundaries help to clarify expectations and may include what you will cook, what you will drink, how long you will stay, or if you will show up at all. Try and set the boundary sooner rather than later. The more of a head’s up you offer, the better for you and for the host. They can then make alternative plans, and you can breathe easier. Remember, the boundary doesn’t need to be long, detailed, or involved. Just short, sweet, and honest. Here’s an example:
- “Hey! I can’t wait to catch up with you! Just a quick heads up that we won’t be able to arrive Tuesday with the rest of the family, but we will be there on Wednesday and leave Friday by lunch. The kids and I were planning to make some cookies for the dessert table. Please let me know if you prefer that I bring that or a salad.”
Rather than expecting a time of wonder and awe this holiday season, remind yourself of your plan to tend to your own well-being, regardless of what others think, do, or say.
Cheering you on!
Dr. Chinwe’